Assalamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Rahim
1. Introduction
By biological and psychological fitrah, humans are created with empty spaces in their souls that cannot be filled by themselves. Men have a masculine side that needs the gentleness of affection to cool their ego, while women have a feminine side that needs protection and leadership to nurture their sense of security. In the perspective of Divine Design, this imbalance is not a flaw, but a magnet. This process of mutual completion is called Takamul. When these two different poles unite, a psychic phenomenon called Sakinah occurs—a tranquil state where the heartbeat and brain waves slow down in peaceful harmony.
Evidence from the Qur’an and Hadith :
Allah SWT affirms that love is not a coincidence, but His creation:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً
"And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed (wa ja’ala) between you affection (Mawaddah) and mercy (Rahmah)." (QS. Ar-Rum : 21)
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ described how beautiful the expression of love is:
لَمْ نَرَ لِلْمُتَحَابَّيْنِ مِثْلَ النِّكَاحِ
"We do not see [any solution] for two who love one another like marriage." (HR. Ibn Majah)
2. Lessons and Messages
Inner love is important, but Mawaddah is a behavioral obligation. Do not let your spouse guess whether you still love them or not. Allah uses the word Wa Ja'ala (and He made), meaning Allah has planted that potential, but we must cultivate it through smiles, small gifts, and gentle words. Neglecting to express love to your spouse is a form of ingratitude for the signs of Allah that reside in our own home.Once, a husband lost his sight in an accident. Years later, his wife began to lose her beauty due to a severe skin disease. The husband continued to treat her with utmost tenderness, as if she were the most beautiful woman in the world. When his wife passed away, the husband wept, and only then did people learn that he had actually recovered his sight long ago. Yet he pretended to remain blind for years just so his wife would not feel ashamed or inferior because of her physical change. That is the pinnacle of _Rahmah_—a compassion that protects a spouse’s dignity beyond self-interest.Imagine a house built from bricks. The bricks are strong, but they cannot become a solid wall without cement. Men and women are those bricks, while Mawaddah and Rahmah are the cement. Without cement, bricks merely stack but easily collapse when blown by the winds of conflict. Yet with this "divinely created" cement, two different entities can fuse into one sturdy building able to withstand any season’s storm.A husband said to his wife, trying to be poetic, "My wife, my love for you is like a Qur’anic verse—pure and eternal." His wife replied softly, "Dear, if your love is already like a verse, please put the Mawaddah into practice. A verse must be lived, not just recited poetically while the grocery money is still Mad Thabi'i (taking forever to arrive) and the help with dishes is still Idgham Bilaghunnah (disappearing without a sound)!" The husband laughed, embarrassed. Remember, inner love is a matter of the heart, but helping your wife in the kitchen is real Mawaddah.
3. Conclusion
Dear brothers and sisters, Sakinah (tranquility) is the goal, while Mawaddah (expressions of love) and Rahmah (compassion) are the path. All of it is a great blessing created by Allah (Wa Ja'ala) for us to be grateful for. If today your household feels barren, perhaps we have forgotten to ask the Owner of Hearts to grow Mawaddah between us again. Let us make our spouse the most soothing place to return to amid the noise of the world
والله أعلم بالصواب
الحمد لله رب العالمين
Wassalamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
Abu Sultan Al-Qadrie
