Assalamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Rahim
1. Introduction
In family sociology, a system is stable when every member feels mutually recognized. Psychologically, viewing a spouse as far beneath us creates a toxic relationship that stifles the soul’s creativity. Islam instead offers the concept of Balance of Rights. Harmony occurs when husband and wife realize that fulfilling a spouse’s rights is nutrition for the family’s mental health. When a wife’s rights are met, she has a large reserve of emotional energy to give her husband the best affection.
Evidence from the Qur’an and Hadith :
Al-Qur’an:
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ
"And women have rights similar to their obligations, according to what is honorable. But men have a degree above them." (QS. Al-Baqarah : 228)
أَلَا إِنَّ لَكُمْ عَلَى نِسَائِكُمْ حَقًّا وَلِنِسَائِكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ حَقًّا
"Beware! You have rights over your wives, and your wives have rights over you." (HR. Tirmidhi)
2. Lessons and Messages
A husband who sees himself in the “seventh heaven” while his wife is on “earth” has not understood the essence of marriage. The Darajah (one degree) given by Allah is not a ticket to become a tyrant, but a heavier burden of responsibility. Rights and obligations are like two sides of a coin; you cannot demand your rights be fulfilled if you yourself forget your wife’s rights. Marriage is about equality in human dignity, yet difference in role division.A great scholar was once asked, "Why do you honor your wife so much when your knowledge is far above hers?" He replied, "My knowledge is for Allah, but my character is for her. She has sacrificed her youth, her beauty, and her entire life to serve me. If Allah gave me one degree of leadership, then I use that degree to ensure she is the happiest woman in the world. Her right to my attention is a debt I carry until death."The husband-wife relationship is like the Eye and the Hand. When the hand is injured, the eye weeps. When the eye weeps, the hand wipes its tears. Neither feels higher or more important. The husband’s one degree of advantage is like a Captain and Co-Pilot; the difference is very small—only about who holds final control during a storm—yet both are equally qualified pilots. If the captain belittles the co-pilot, the plane will crash due to lost teamwork.There was a very rigid husband who always said, "I am the leader, my degree is above yours! You must obey everything I say!" His wife smiled and replied, "True, dear, you are the leader. But remember, if you lead in the seventh heaven and I’m on earth, when you get hungry, who will cook for you? Can you ask the heavenly maidens to send fried rice via GrabFood to the sky?" The husband immediately laughed and realized that a high degree is useless without the support of the “commoner” he loves most in the kitchen.
3. Conclusion
Dear brothers and sisters, do not let ignorance stop us from honoring our spouse. Remember that your wife’s right is your obligation, and your right is your wife’s obligation. Allah gave husbands one degree above to protect, not to trample. Let us build a balanced household, where rights are fulfilled gladly and obligations are carried out with love. For that is where true blessing lies.
والله أعلم بالصواب
الحمد لله رب العالمين
Wassalamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
Abu Sultan Al-Qadrie
