Assalamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Rahim

1. Introduction

In social psychology, there is a phenomenon called Self-Serving Bias, where a person tends to see their own rights as greater than others’, while seeing others’ obligations as greater than their own. If this happens in marriage, emotional imbalance arises. Scientifically, a healthy relationship requires Reciprocity. When a husband gives what he demands from his wife, the spouse’s brain responds with deep security and appreciation. Justice is not just about logic, but about safeguarding a spouse’s mental health and emotional stability.

Evidence from the Qur’an and Hadith :

وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ

"And women have rights similar to their obligations, according to what is reasonable." (QS. Al-Baqarah : 228)

From Ibn Abbas radhiyallahu ‘anhuma, he said:

إِنِّي لَأُحِبُّ أَنْ أَتَزَيَّنَ لِلْمَرْأَةِ، كَمَا أُحِبُّ أَن تَتَزَيَّنَ لِي

"Indeed, I love to beautify myself for my wife, just as I love for her to beautify herself for me." (HR. Baihaqi in Al-Sunan al-Kubra)[Baihaqi]

2. Lessons and Messages

Don’t be a “racist” husband in your own home. “Racism” in the household is when you feel entitled to special respect, yet you belittle your wife’s family. It’s when you demand your wife look beautiful and fragrant, while you appear dull and unpleasant in front of her. The highest morality in Islam is to put yourself in the other person’s position. What you want from her, start by giving the same to her.There was a husband who always came home from work with a cheerful face and made time to shower and wear his best perfume before greeting his wife, even when he was exhausted. His son asked, "Dad, hasn’t Mom already gotten used to seeing you dirty from work?" The father answered, "Son, your mother has dressed up beautifully all day to welcome me. It would be racist if I offered the smell of sweat and a sour face in return for the beauty she gives. I want her eyes to see only what’s beautiful from me, just as my eyes see beauty from her."Marriage is like a mirror. If you stand before a mirror and want to see a smiling reflection, you must smile first. You cannot frown at the mirror and then get angry because the image inside isn’t smiling. What you give to your wife is the "reflection" that will be mirrored back to you. If you are “racist” in rights, don’t be surprised if the mirror gives a disappointing reflection.A husband protested to his wife, "Honey, why do you rarely dress up at home now?" His wife replied calmly, "Dear, if I put on expensive makeup and nice perfume, but the one greeting me is just a guy in a holey undershirt who smells like medicated oil, that’s what you call ‘social injustice for the entire kitchen population.’ If you want me to be a houri, then don’t keep being a ‘gardener’ at home all the time!" The wisdom: Don’t demand high standards from your spouse if your own standards are still below average.

3. Conclusion

Dear brothers and sisters, in conclusion, stop being “racist” in the household. Do not claim rights that you are unwilling to fulfill in return. Honor her family as you want your own family to be honored. Adorn yourself for her as you want her to look beautiful in your eyes. Because an Islamic marriage is about beautiful justice, where husband and wife compete to give their best, not to demand the most

والله أعلم بالصواب

الحمد لله رب العالمين

Wassalamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

Abu Sultan Al-Qadrie